By Mohan Mathew
European Community
Your Excellency,
Your Excellency,
I regret there is no time for niceties, Sir. Let's go direct to the matter at hand.
First of all I wish to request you to urgently constitute a new ministry - Ministry for Impunity Conservancy and Protection of State Criminals - and preferably give John Michiki its charge as the substantive minister. This is because the maintenance and preservation of our heritage, impunity and institutionalized crime, will be well served by that. >
You think there are too many now? No problem, Sir, one more can't do much harm. It will also earn you a record for presiding over the largest cabinet in not only Africa, but all over the world. You stand a chance to enter the Guinness Book of Records, too!
Intermittently though, against the advice of your trusted insiders, you had attempted to shed the impunity spots, but they are still intact on your fur. The proverbial leopard also had tried and failed in such attempts. Let them stay as they are supposed to be in-erasable. But on the positive side, they make you melt easily into the company of Uncle Bob, M-7, Bashir, Zenavi and a host of such ones from elsewhere in the continent.>
I see you are on the way to add more feathers on your hat. Your sudden fatherly concern for the welfare of the IDPs who had been left homeless just for the short period of four years, following the fights that resulted from what detractors call your stolen presidency can't but be commended. I'm sure in the excitement, they will forget to ask where the hell were you all this time.>
Undeniably characteristic of you, the generally discredited and maligned shuttle diplomacy, your brilliant brainchild, spear headed by your VPee a.k.a. VIPER that failed to enlist support of not even one banana republic head of state except the already withering Gaddafi, is now fished out of the freezer and laid out to thaw. This is the best demonstration of your LSE trained expedient brain power that makes you do things at the apt time, even if they are terribly wrong and unethical in the eyes of the world. >
So the panel to strategize against, sabotage, scuttle, undermine, and circumvent the ICC process is already constituted! It is gratifying that the legal panel consists of the best legal brains and will find a way to transform and project the Kenya judiciary overnight into one capable of handling any world class genocide and crimes against humanity cases. I can't hide my excitement at the sorry sight of the whole ICC fraternity blushing at the sight of the revamped Kenyan Judiciary when it's unveiled. The country also stands the chance of receiving outsourcing contracts to deal with situations elsewhere, in place of the ICC.
Meanwhile the AG has made a gaffe, Your Excellency. He said the govt won't ask Uhuru and Muthaura to resign because they are charged of some insignificant petty crimes in their personal capacity, and not as state officers. Then I don't know how we can justify the idea of the state sponsored legal aid for the accused. But I have full trust in the legal panels and your ingenuity to find a way out of this fix.
We must challenge the chicken-shit concept of treating criminals ineligible for state offices and elective posts. How can anyone in the right senses support that view. May be it's practiced so in civilized democracies, but we are still an evolving democracy, aren't we, sir? Please take a lead role in obliterating this malice by taking decisive steps now in Uhuru and Muthaura's cases.
Sir, a few pumbavu political enemies, and those bure kabisa civil society miscreants may cry foul that you are desecrating the constitution. If we do it in the interest of 'our people' and the country in general, we shall be vindicated at the end of the day.
Your excellency, you are first a human being and only then is the president of the country. So human feelings should take precedence over the other and duties pertaining to it. We will face insurmountable problems if Muthaura has to step aside. One can't change the axle of a vehicle in a haphazard manner. He should be your shadow until you retire to your new 500 million palace.
Sir, you owe Uhuru something special as his god father. Please ensure by hook or crook that he traverses these turbulent waters to the shore of the promised land without the ghost of the PEV afflicting him. If he has to leave his ministerial post, it will serve a debilitating blow to your god child's dreams of playing around again in the corridors of the house where he was born.
After all, Your Excellency, I know you don't care to return favours or remember a good turn with gratitude, as this man Agwambo complains. Nor do you consider verbal MOUs anything worth obliging. But the two cases are special. You are retiring, and any negative repercussions to the country will be the problem of your successor, who by the grace of God will be your godson. Let him handle them as and when they arise. Then there are possible restrictions and sanctions by the West. You shouldn't lose any sleep on that as we are nearly self sufficient in almost everything and we raise 95% of the budget amount from inside. Why worry then, Sir?
The sunset year of your presidency, therefore, is going to be a spectacular sight to behold. The IDPs who languished (according to watu bure kabisa) just for 4 years in camps will be resettled wherever they wish to. The middle-lower level murderers, arsonists, robbers and rapists who ran amok during the PEV and were in hiding ever since 2008 will be followed, traced, identified, charged and hanged in 100 days w.e.f. today, by the self constituted 'agency' of the AG, DPP and none other than the outgoing police commish.! (You always liked 100 days, didn't you Sir? Remember the 100 days in which you made the New Constitution materialize !)
It will also be the first time ever in the history of the civilized world that a political leader standing trial by the ICC at the Hague for genocide, and diverse crimes against humanity elected as the president of a fledgling democratic republic. Imagine the rush of world leaders streaming in to felicitate the new president ! The shame on the faces of the ICC establishment will be discernible even to one with a bad short sight.
Don't listen to some frogs croaking about 'legacy, Sir. What's legacy? All dictionaries say the word alludes to wealth handed down to the successors, patrimony, etc. It may also mean something for which the coming generations remember one with gratitude. To hell with such bure kabisa sentiments. I'm sure that's not your line. Forget it.
I have more to say but the world is not ending in Dec. 2012 as per the Mayan calendar as some lunatics propagate on net.
A Bewildered Citizen.
January 24 2012
Your Excellency,
I regret there is no time for niceties, Sir. Let's me direct to the matter at hand.
First of all I wish to request you to urgently constitute a new ministry - the Ministry for Impunity Conservancy and Protection of State Criminals - and preferably give John Michuki its charge as the substantive minister. This is because the maintenance and preservation of our heritage, impunity and institutionalized crime, will be well served by that.
You think there are too many now? No problem, Sir, one more can't do much harm. It will also earn you a record for presiding over the largest cabinet in not only Africa, but all over the world. You stand a chance to enter into the Guinness Book of Records, too!
Intermittently though, against the advice of your trusted insiders, you had attempted to shed the impunity spots, but they are still intact on your fur. The proverbial leopard also had tried and failed in such attempts. Let them stay as they are supposed to be in-erasable. But on the positive side, they make you melt easily into the company of Uncle Bob, M-7, Bashir, Zenawi and a host of such ones from elsewhere in the continent.
I see you are on the way to add more feathers on to your hat. Your sudden fatherly concern for the welfare of the IDPs who had been left homeless just for the short period of four years, following the fights that resulted from what detractors call your stolen presidency can't but be commended. I'm sure in the excitement, they will forget to ask where the hell you were all this time.
Undeniably and characteristic of you, the generally discredited and maligned shuttle diplomacy, your brilliant brainchild, spear headed by your VP that failed to enlist support of not even one banana republic head of state except the already withering Gaddafi, is now fished out of the freezer and laid out to thaw. This is the best demonstration of your LSE trained expedient brain power that makes you do things at the apt time, even if they are terribly wrong and unethical in the eyes of the world.
So the panel to strategize against, sabotage, scuttle, undermine, and circumvent the ICC process is already constituted! It is gratifying that the legal panel consists of the best legal brains and will find a way to transform and project the Kenya judiciary overnight into one capable of handling any world class genocide and crimes against humanity cases. I can't hide my excitement at the sorry sight of the whole ICC fraternity blushing at the sight of the revamped Kenyan Judiciary when it's unveiled. The country also stands the chance of receiving outsourcing contracts to deal with situations elsewhere, in place of the ICC.
Meanwhile the AG has made a gaffe, Your Excellency. He said the govt won't ask Uhuru and Muthaura to resign because they are charged of some insignificant petty crimes in their personal capacity, and not as state officers. Then I don't know how we can justify the idea of the state sponsored legal aid for the accused. But I have full trust in the legal panels and your ingenuity to find a way out of this fix.
We must challenge the chicken-shit concept of treating criminals ineligible for state offices and elective posts. How can anyone in their right senses support that view? May be it's practiced in civilized democracies, but we are still an evolving democracy, aren't we, sir? Please take the lead role in obliterating this malice by taking decisive steps now in Uhuru and Muthaura's cases.
Sir, a few pumbavu political enemies, and those bure kabisa civil society misfits may cry foul that you are violating the constitution. If we do it in the interest of 'our people' and the country in general, we shall be vindicated at the end of the day.
Your excellency, you are first a human being and second the president of the country. So human feelings should take precedence over other and duties pertaining to it. We will face insurmountable problems if Muthaura has to step aside. One can't change the axle of a vehicle in a haphazard manner. He should be your shadow until you retire to your new palace.
Sir, you owe Uhuru something special as his god father. Please ensure by hook or crook that he traverses these turbulent waters to the shore of the promised land without the ghost of the PEV afflicting him. If he has to leave his ministerial post, it will serve a debilitating blow to your god child's dreams of playing around again in the corridors of the house where he was born.
After all, Your Excellency, I know you don't care to return favours or remember a good turn with gratitude, as this man Agwambo complains. Nor do you consider verbal MOUs anything worth obliging. But the two cases are special. You are retiring, and any negative repercussions to the country will be the problem of your successor, who by the grace of God will be your godson. Let him handle them as and when they arise. Then there are possible restrictions and sanctions by the West. You shouldn't lose any sleep on that as we are nearly self sufficient in almost everything and we raise 95% of the budget internally anyway. Why worry then, Sir?
The sunset year of your presidency, therefore, is going to be a spectacular sight to behold. The IDPs who languished (according to watu bure kabisa) just for 4 years in camps will be resettled wherever they wish to. The middle-lower level murderers, arsonists, robbers and rapists who ran amok during the PEV and were in hiding ever since 2008 will be followed, traced, identified, charged and hanged in 100 days w.e.f. today, by the constituted 'agency' of the AG, DPP and none other than the outgoing police commish.! (You always liked 100 days, didn't you Sir? Remember the 100 days in which you made the New Constitution materialize !)
It will also be the first time ever in the history of the civilized world that a political leader standing trial by the ICC at the Hague for genocide, and crimes against humanity elected as the president of a fledgling democratic republic. Imagine the rush of world leaders streaming in to pay homage to the new president ! The shame on the faces of the ICC establishment will be discernible even to one with a bad eye sight.
Don't listen to some frogs croaking about 'legacy, Sir. What's legacy? All dictionaries say the word alludes to wealth handed down to the successors, patrimony, etc. It may also mean something for which the coming generations remember one with gratitude. To hell with such bure kabisa sentiments. I'm sure that's not your line. Forget it.
I have more to say but the world is not ending in Dec. 2012 as per the Mayan calendar as some lunatics propagate on net.
A Bewildered Citizen.
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